No More 'My friend said..' etc....

I read this over at Huilin's blog and found it very insightful and perhaps useful to those who are in a relationship or going into a relationship....If possible, finish reading the whole article and you'll never know...things could just start changing within your life...spread this message esp. if you find it beneficial towards those around you....I certainly did find it so...

Quoted from Huilin from CozyCot Forums:

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In a relationship, how much should we love our partner?


Should we love the other party more than they loved us or should we love them less than they love us or should we love them as much as they love us?
Should our partner to love us more than we love them or should they to love us less than as we love them or should they love us as much as we love them?

There are mainly 3 cases which I will like relate them to real life cases that I can recall.

1) Gal Love Guy More

This is a very typical case that I always witness. In a relationship, when the gal loves the guy more, she will put in a lot of effort to make things work out. She will try to compromise and put up with the nonsense that the guy has. However, the guy does not love the gal back equally. Sometime, he will try to compromise some of the things with the gal, some time he will treat her very well, once a while buy her favourite things and so on. It do appear that the guy do love the gal. Yes, the guy does love the gal, but he loves himself more than he loves her. He tends put his own best interest at heart when it comes to decision-making, not the interest of the gal or the interest of the relationship. It do appear like the guy has his own set of principles, has his way of doing things, he is someone who lived for the moment and don’t believe in long term planning and commitment. But some how, this type of character is more attractive to gals (or it seems to appear like this).

The gal on the other hand, tried her best to accept the flaws of the guy; she will try to be the driver of the relationship. She will voice out about her unhappiness when the relationship hit a problem and hope that the guy can compromise. For some of the things, the guy will try to compromise, but some time, he will reply it with a rebutt which the gal has to accept, if not, he will walk out kind-of-attitude. Been the party who loves the other party more, she will try to accept that rebutt and try to change her view and look at it from the guy’s perspective and hope that somehow the thing will never happen again. Sometime, some of the compromises as proposed by the guy could means to go against her principle, as someone who has fallen head over heel; she will give reasons to blind herself to accept it.

As the underlying problems were never solved, it always come back to plague the relationship, each time she compromises, that ill feeling just seems to eat her inside out. But still, she work very hard for this relationship, she tried to be more understanding, she tried this and that, she tried to accept the reason given by the guy and give herself reasons for the misunderstanding and unhappiness. All these because… she loved him more than he loved her and she believed that someday, somehow, the guy will start to see the amount she put in to the relationship and be moved and start to love her back equally or more.

This vicious cycle will just continue until either the gal is totally exhausted or that the guy found a new target… Sad to say… that someday that the gal wished for might never happen for the guy take the extra love and care and effort that she put in to the relationship as granted.

2) Gal Love Guy Less

Now, in this situation, the table has turn and the role of the driver of the relationship has changed. Instead of the gal been the driver, it is the guy. The guy loved the gal a lot but the gal loved the guy less. Typical fallacy for those nice and good-tempered guys.

The guy treated the gal very nice and she starts out a relationship with him. In the initial stage of the relationship, the gal was moved by the sincerity of the guy and venture into the relationship, both loved each other equally. As days goes by, the love of the guy grows faster than that of the gal and the gal instead of loving the guy back equally. She starts to love herself more and start to change. From what was once warm and cute relationship has now become cold and boring relationship as the gal starts to love the guy less. The guy senses the change in the relationship, will put in a lot more into an endless pit of no-return. He will try hard to rekindle the relationship, try buying expensive gifts and so on. The gal looks more into herself and her personal life is putting lesser and lesser into the relationship.

Even if the gal is has not changed and has been putting in the same amount of love and effort since the start of the relationship, there is still a different as like I mentioned because the love and effort that the guy put in was a lot as he always wanted to treat the gal very nice, never wanted her to be hurt, never wanted her to suffer. In some way, he was overly nice and tends to put in a lot. He is anxious to be the driver of the relationship and drives it too fast.

The guy will try to put up with the temper of the gal and try to make her happy when she is sad. He projects the image of a very nice guy which gals usually won’t take note of when having fun but comes to mind when the gals got no one to turn to and in need of help. Maybe because of this characteristic that the gal loves the guy less as it seems like the guy has no distinct character, no style and not a risk-taker, not a “bad-boy” or exciting character.

When the gal love the guy less, she seems harder to please, no amount of effort from the guy is ever enough. He seems to be doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. And for the guy, he tries very hard to please her, but somehow, it does seem like going no where.

The ending is rather predictable, the gal is totally bored with the guy and left for someone new or the guy just felt terrible about the end pit that he has been putting and decided to call it quit. All these because the gal takes the guy’s care and effort that he contribute in the relationship as granted and maybe demand more. Maybe she is too caught up with herself to love him back the same amount.

3) Couple who Love Each Other Equally


This is the ideal case for couplehood. Both party put in the same amount of love and effort. We must understand that in a relationship, love must grow over time and at the same pace. When the love from one party seems to grow faster than the other party, issue will occur, expectation will grows and then starting to take each other for granted.

Always remember, when we love the other person, don’t expect the other person to love back. For if the other person understands and is able to see and appreciate the amount of love and effort that we put in, they will put in the same amount of effort and love. And when they start to love us more, love them back the same amount or love them even more. When the love and effort which is put in to the relationship reciprocate, then can the relationship progress. Such people who can appreciate the love that we put in are then truly worthy of our love.

Some time, in the relationship, couples might experience all the 3 cases that I mentioned. But as long as both parties take the effort to realign the relationship back on course and avoid the fallacy, strike a balance in the amount of love and effort to put in, things will still work out for a happy ending. Learning the basic understanding of love for each other, respect for each other and most of all, know that love is not selfish, it is not demanding and it is never meant to be kept for oneself. Love is not only about giving. It is true that in love, we should give selflessly, but remember, give to someone who is truly worthy, that is what makes a difference. Lastly, Love is not about one person or the other person, it is about couple and their surroundings, that on the whole, makes a relationship complete.

So, think about it. Are you the driver of the relationship or are you the one that is driven? Wouldn’t it be better if some time, you be the driver and some time, you be the driven. Balance is the key