IT'S NIGHTS LIKE THIS THAT MAKES ME WANNA GIVE UP ON MYSELF...


Before anyone reads on -  There are definitely more misfortunes/hardships/sob stories going on in the world(i.e. flood in BKK, dead bodies in Bedok Reservoir, death of Steve Jobs) that are more noteworthy of asking, "Why God why?". And what I'm about to type is not a matter of questioning faith (or is it?) but truthfully, it's coming to a point where I wish to say declare, "This has to stop!".


Have you ever left your comfort zone (even though it was never an obligation) to lend more than just a helping hand to someone, but in turn, get sucker-punched right in your face?


Try convincing yourself to leave your tentage in the midst of a heavy thunderstorm, getting all drenched up just to help acquaintances get their shelter up, but in return get accused by them for something you didn't do, which led to many dire moments which I'd rather not talk about anymore...


Have you ever given your all for friend(s) / loved one(s) / establishment(s) but only to realize it's not worth the effort as they will only turn their back away from you without even considering what you may have done for them?


When is it ever good enough when one is being blamed upon with non-existent issues? Why would you take my kindness and friendship for granted by leaving me to do your job? Just because you know that I'm the kind who "would-clean-up-your-mess-and-not-choose-to-ignore-it" does not mean that I condone your actions lack of actions!!!

Have you ever planned every detail of an event / party only to be criticized or questioned for the choice of dining venue or the average spending for the event?

Every reason to justify why I'm definitely telling myself not to EVER (as much as I can) plan anything for anyone (as many as I can) again. You can kiss my white ass and plan every other shit that comes along the way and tell me how long you can last. I probably lasted till as long as RECENTLY since ages ago....

Have you ever volunteered guiding someone who was deemed as an outcast by most, gave your all to help, but all you see from him are shadows of those who deemed him as outcast but none of yourself?

I've never once treated you unfairly even though I knew you may have intentionally or unintentionally stepped on other's toes along the way. I may have done my best to ease you into the group in the past despite the negative environment, but now, every turn I make, every step I take, I see you as my stumbling block, directly or indirectly. Is it a question of maturity or sensibility?

Have you ever considered every step of the way for the benefit and welfare of a TEAM, not forgetting the sacrifices made, but only to be made a fool by the same group of people?


I can sit there and listen to your troubles. I can give chance after chance knowing it will probably be better for you with that CHANCE. I can give without asking for returns. I'd be glad if there were any returns, who wouldn't be? BUT, I can't take it lying down when 1) all of the above are not only taken for granted but 2) I have to bear the consequences of your reckless and immature actions while 3) seeing you reap the benefits of my fruits of labour.


What I can't seem to understand is, why do such things to someone who goes out of the way to fight for you or stand by you when no one else has or would have done. You can take away all the credit from me, I have no issues with that. BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO BEAR THE UNNECESSARY SUCKER-PUNCH DEALT BY THE VERY PEOPLE WHOM I'VE INTENDED TO HELP IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
(Now go read the top again...I'm still choosing to give up on myself and not YOU! How freaking dumb can I get?)